Am I crazy to hurt so much? They  have told you  feeling grief for the loss of a pet is silly, crazy and just plain overly sentimental.
Then some friends have told you that your intense grief over the loss of a pet is normal and natural.

 Who is right? You feel devastated by the loss of your best friend. So many years he was your constant companion. You were very surprised by your friends and even some family members that just do not understand you pain...

 Rusty was a source of comfort and companionship, of unconditional love and acceptance, of fun and joy. The thought of him brings tears welling up in your eyes. 

People who don't understand the pet/owner bond may not understand your pain. All that matters, however, is how you feel. Don't let others dictate your feelings: They are valid, and may be extremely painful. But remember, you are not alone: Thousands of pet owners have gone through the same feelings.¹
Different people experience grief in different ways. Besides your sorrow and loss, you may also experience the following emotions: Guilt may occur if you feel responsible for your pet's death-the "if only I had been more careful" syndrome.

 It is not your fault. You did the best you could.

It is pointless and often erroneous to burden yourself with guilt for the accident or illness that claimed your pet's life, and only makes it more difficult to resolve your grief.  Denial makes it difficult to accept that your pet is really gone.

 It's hard to imagine that your pet won't greet you when you come home, or that it doesn't need its evening meal. Some pet owners carry this to extremes, and fear their pet is still alive and suffering somewhere. Others find it hard to get a new pet for fear of being "disloyal" to the old.

 Feelings of Anger

 Anger may be directed at the illness that killed your pet, the driver of the speeding car, the veterinarian who "failed" to save its life. Sometimes it is justified, but when carried to extremes, it distracts you from the important task of resolving your grief. 

 Depression is a natural consequence of grief, but can leave you powerless to cope with your feelings. Extreme depression robs you of motivation and energy, causing you to dwell upon your sorrow.¹

Dealing with the loss of a pet when others devalue your loss.

One aspect that can make grieving for the loss of a pet so difficult is that pet loss is not appreciated by everyone. Friends and family may ask “What’s the big deal? It’s just a pet!”

 Some people assume that pet loss shouldn’t hurt as much as human loss, or that it is somehow inappropriate to grieve for an animal. They may not understand because they don’t have a pet of their own, or because they are unable to appreciate the companionship and love that a pet can provide.²

Seek out others who have lost pets.

Don’t argue with others about whether your grief is appropriate or not. Accept the fact that the best support for your grief may come from outside your usual circle of friends and family members.  Seek out others who have lost pets; those who can appreciate the magnitude of your loss, and may be able to suggest ways of getting through the grieving process.²

 What can I do about my feelings?

The most important step you can take is to be honest about your feelings. Don't deny your pain, or your feelings of anger and guilt. Only by examining and coming to terms with your feelings can you begin to work through them. You have a right to feel pain and grief! Someone you loved has died, and you feel alone and bereaved.

You have a right to feel anger and guilt, as well. Acknowledge your feelings first, then ask yourself whether the circumstances actually justify them. Locking away grief doesn't make it go away. Express it. Cry, scream, pound the floor, talk it out. Do what helps you the most.

Don't try to avoid grief by not thinking about your pet; instead, reminisce about the good times. This will help you understand what your pet's loss actually means to you. Some find it helpful to express their feelings and memories in poems, stories, or letters to the pet.

 Other strategies including rearranging your schedule to fill in the times you would have spent with your pet; preparing a memorial such as a photo collage; and talking to others about your loss.

Who can I talk to? If your family or friends love pets, they'll understand what you're going through. Don't hide your feelings in a misguided effort to appear strong and calm! Working through your feelings with another person is one of the best ways to put them in perspective and find ways to handle them. Find someone you can talk to about how much the pet meant to you and how much you miss it-someone you feel comfortable crying and grieving with.

Poor Bandit, I learned so much while trying everything I could to make his life comfortable and if not for the brain tumor being so advanced he may still be walking amongst us now. Unfortunately that was not to be and he was taken from us suddenly and without warning.  But while he was with us he taught me so much on how to comfort, and help him.  Bandit was the first dog I had ever fostered directly from a owner surrender in such dire straights. When the call came in and I meet with the owner's son, I was told the original owner had passed away and the family and taken in the dog. a  couple of weeks before. But they had no idea what to do with the dog. With great relief they handed him off to me. I took one look at him and headed for the vet. I was not even sure if he would live much longer, much less why he was blind or how he became that way.  It was not until the vet examined him that I even knew that he was totally blind.  

Research into how to help a frightened blind dog, did give me a lot of suggestions on how to protect Bandit from getting hurt, while he learned his way around his new environment. At the time, we had no idea if he would regain his strength and will to live. But I was determined to try anything that would help him give him a reason to not only survive, but to gain confidence and his will to live. 

 To protect him, I lined the inside of his crate with bubble wrap and kids floor foam blocks, to safely and slowly let him learn (map) his way around  his crate and the space on the out side of the crate.  I put up a x-gate fencing (portable metal fencing bought in most pet stores as a portable fence system) around his crate also with bubble wrap.  

This gave him the opportunity to slowly learn his way around the area. Most Bostons will not need this much protection but as we learned he not only was blind, but had a brain tumor. With this understanding of his health, I knew we would need to use every trick in the book to keep him safe, healthy and happy.

 In our research we learned all sorts of things to help a newly blinded dog, Although many did not help us with Bandit, many ideas once adapted, did provide him with some relief.

 Some of the ideas to help a new member adjust to a new envornment were:

As with all dogs, try to have something familiar to the dog -- toy, blanket, bed, etc. -- for comfort in a strange new place.

Another suggestion is that you should provide the dog with something with your scent on it at least a few days before getting the dog. If there are other pets in the household you should consider providing something like a blanket with the other pets smells on it Remember: a dog's 1st sense is smell, 2nd is hearing, 3rd is sight.

Make use of different textures.¹ I had no idea what to do, so after asking around I learned of a lot of things I could have had done, if i had known Bandit was going to join us. In his case we did not have these options.

Do not be shy in asking for ideas. Each dog and environment is different, what works for one, will not work as well for another. I have seen some blind dogs who had mapped their world so well they were running up and down the stairs, and dodging table and chair legs so well you could not tell he was blind. When I first saw this example of a well adjusted totally blind dog, it only went to emphasis to me how bad Bandits case really was. The shock of reality to me was devastating. I had to face facts. Before meeting this well adjusted dog, I had not realized how much bandit was effected by the tumor.

Provide a base
Keep a bed in rooms the dog is most comfortable. Maybe one in the bedroom, and one in the family room. A crate with an open door provides a safe haven. Put a mat under food and water dishes. The texture of the mat will help the dog identify where his food and water are orientated. Locate something in the main area of the home that the dog can always hear so that he can orient himself to that. A small fountain or a clock that actually takes works well. Do not move your furniture or leave items out of place on the floor. Remember a place for everything and everything in its place. 

  Shelf liner or bubble wrap can also be used under food and water bowls, in doorways.  Use mats or bubble wrap as "landing pads" in a familiar place for a small dog that is often picked up. The list of ideas to help your blind dog that can be found just by asking is wonderful here are a few more useful ways to help your dog adjust. Don't pick up small dog, carry around, and then just put it down anywhere -- they will be lost. Use a landing pad. (it is suggested each room have a point of orientation. "a target mat" or as they are sometimes called "a landing pad." 

Small pet beds can also be used as landing pads in rooms the dog is usually in. You might use one particular scent under the bed to make it easier to find. If you use a ramp, make sure there is a raised edge so the dog doesn't step off the side.

Resources You may want to check out..
Get Living with Blind Dogs by Caroline Levin (http://www.petcarebooks.com)
Great resources for learning and asking questions from others with blind or sight impaired dogs is
Blinddogs list at Yahoo!Groups (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/blinddogs)

 "Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened. " (Anatole France).  If you have recently lost a beloved pet, please accept our condolences.  We understand this is not a great subject to read about.  In our desire to be helpful we know how hard it is to say goodbye. One way to help yourself focus on those positive memories is to develop a memorial to your pet. 

How creating a tribute can help you cope with grief.

Creating such a tribute can be an effective tool to help you cope with grief (though it may certainly produce a few tears in the process!), and it will also provide you with a loving reminder of that pet in the years to come.¹

Rituals and remembrances
Memorializing a beloved pet can take any number of forms: lighting a candle, framing a favorite photo, planting a living memorial such as a tree or flowering plant, scattering cremated remains in your dog or cat’s favorite place, or saving a collar, tags and a favorite toy in a special box. Some people choose to bury their pets in special cemeteries.

 Some companies sell necklaces designed to hold a small amount of their pet's ashes. Another even turns pet cremains into a man-made jewel.

 "Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." (Roger Caras)

The two most popular ways we say our final goodbye to our departed pets is cremation or burial. Cremation offers a thoughtful and respectful way to make the love and memories you shared with your pet last forever. There are many sources for a variety of unique urns to select from. You may choose a burial service, whether it be a traditional burial service in a pet cemetery or a pet burial on private property. You can also find some very special pet caskets and even headstones with which to lay your best-friend to rest.

If you photos you may decide to have your best photo framed and placed where it will bring you comfort.  Or put together a collection of your favorite photos in a matted collection in a nice frame to display on a wall.

 "Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim."(Vicki Harrison)Try to remember the good times: long games of fetch or evenings snuggling on the couch.

 I was amazed at the many choices you could have to honor your pets some of the wonderful ideas range from having a pet portrait artist paint from a good quality photo there are many on Facebook or have web pages. Some creative expressions coming from the heart include a poem or letter written to the pet. That would make a wonderful way for children to express their feelings and help make a memorial. 

"Death ends a life, not a relationship." (Jack Lemmon) People often feel that their pets have taught them life lessons.  Create a craft tribute. If you enjoy a particular type of art or craft, consider using that to memorialize your pet. For example, design or have designed for you needlepoint kits that resemble your dogs likeness as a tribute. You can also find services that will transfer your pet's photo onto a needlepoint canvas, or create a canvas from a photo. If you have a knack for painting ceramics or plaster, consider painting a statue that resembles your pet.

 A person who has never owned a dog has missed a wonderful part of life." (Bob Barker)
You can even have an actual bound book printed that includes both written tributes and photos. The easiest way to do this is to prepare the written tributes on a computer and print them off in the desired format (e.g., with your choice of fonts, formats, colors, etc.). Have your favorite photos scanned (or scan them yourself if you have a scanner). You can then create a simple layout of text and artwork using a basic word-processing program (such as MS Word), or print out the photos and text and assemble them by hand. Your book can then be reproduced and "bound" at your local print or copy shop. This will cost a few dollars, but is a nice way to make copies for family members. 

A word of warning about written tributes, however: While this is a wonderful way to work through your grief and memorialize your pet, don't expect anyone outside your family and friends to be interested in what you've written. 

Post a tribute online. A number of sites offer this as a free service; you'll find some of those listings in our links section. Because so many sites do offer this service at no cost, unless you feel that the site is sponsored by a worthy organization and your fee will directly contribute to that organization. Many sites also let you post a picture of your pet.

 Plant a tree. Contact a park and offer to plant a tree in your pet's name, in the state of your choice.

 Or, plant a tree or special plant in your own garden for "remembrance." One person planted a special catnip patch. Your city parks department might also allow you to plant a tree in a city park in memory of your pet. (Killen City park and Dilbert park, Florence in Alabama).

Obtain a special urn for your pet's ashes. If you have chosen cremation for your pet, you may wish to keep its ashes in a decorate urn. Today, you can find a marvelous array of urns on the market. They come in fine woods, stained glass, gleaming metal, or even as carvings of specific breeds. To find lists of urn manufacturers, check the classifieds and back-page ads of major pet magazines.
Contribute to an animal welfare organization. Often, animal shelters will provide a plaque or paving stone with your pet's name on it for a minimum donation. For example, when the humane society in Olympia, Washington, relocated, it offered brass plaques that were used to line the walls in the main lobby; for a donation, one could have one's pet's name and a message etched on the plaque.

Nor are you limited to pet organizations;  Many organization offer paving stones or plaques that could be etched with a message, and many tributes to beloved pets became a permanent part of the facility.

 Contribute to the cure. If your Boston Terrier died of a particular disease, there may be a research organization that is seeking a cure. A contribution to that organization may help other pets (and pet owners) in the future.

 Shop for a memorial item. Believe it or not, Some people have found shopping to be immensely therapeutic.

"With eye upraised his master's look to scan, The joy, the solace, and the aid of man: The rich man's guardian and the poor man's friend, The only creature faithful to the end." (George Crabbe)

Suggested sanctuaries to contact if you want to contrubute in your pets memory:

The Pug Plantation is a 10 acre farm in rural west Tennessee created as a sanctuary for senior and handicapped pugs and pug friends to live out their lives. half way between Memphis and Nashville. We rescue and transport pugs of all ages and provide sanctuary for senior, hospice and special needs pugs and their pals. http://www.pugplantation.org

Shoals Animal Advocates in Colbert, Lauderdale and Franklin counties Alabama. have programs to benefit shelters' animals such as daily pet care, sterilization prior to adoption, vetting, vaccination, re-homing, fundraising, offsite adoption, educate our community regarding firstly, how to be a responsible pet owner and secondly, to spay/neuter their pets to control the dogs and cats overpopulation in our area.http://www.shoalsanimaladvocates.org

With heavy hearts; and a tear in our eyes
after all these years; we must say goodbye
Please understand; we've done all we could
if there was anything we could do; you know we would

I'm sitting right here; gently rub your ears
while I talk to you softly; trying to hold back the tears
The memories you gave us; we'll never forget
especially the ones; of the day we all met

One last hug; and one last kiss
you have no idea; how much you'll be missed
To look into your eyes; this one last time
you tell me it's ok; you know it's your time

Close your eyes now; and go to sleep
we'll pray to the Lord; you're soul he'll keep
Go in peace now; our good friend
we'll stay right here with you; until the end

Dream of that special day and time
when we'll meet at the Bridge; and all will be fine
We'll run and play; side by side
with a soft warm feeling; deep down inside

Your memory will live on; in each one of us
you'll always be number 1; to all of us
Have a safe journey; through the night
I promise when you awake; you'll be in God's light

So with heavy hearts; and tears in our eyes
just for now my friend; we say goodbye

John Quealy